I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
