Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
