2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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