Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
