Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
