my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
