ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
