I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
