so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
