Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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