im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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