thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
