dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we're making bets on your personal life
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
