this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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