she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
