I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
