Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
