I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
