fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
