Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
