Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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