please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
