My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
