If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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