You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
