OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
All I want is dick and wine.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
