I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize