i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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