i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize