We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I die, sorry about rent.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
