you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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