I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
