Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Randomize
