remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
