going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
