he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
