Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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