It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
