i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
