i don't like sucking hair
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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