I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
