i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
