break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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