my soul wont recognize me after tonight
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
