I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
