smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
