he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
