I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
