im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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