Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
