Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
