8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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