based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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