ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
