She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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