so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
