I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
