dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
