:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
