Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
