remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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