her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
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I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
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Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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