On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
