Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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