I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
