When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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