rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
