Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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