whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
