girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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