I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
