The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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