A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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