like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I met the friendliest cop last night
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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