I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
