Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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