Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i think i have herpe
just one?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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